The Old Woman Who Lived In Harlem

There once was this young woman who lived in Harlem. She was tired of Harlem so she decided to marry a man who was a pilot. She travelled all around the world to see the sights. When she grew old she decided to settle down into an apartment in Harlem again. The neighborhood had changed dramatically but she felt she could handle it. So, she rented a 5 bedroom apartment and lived all alone. One day a white pigeon flew onto her balcony. Since she was a little old lady and very lonely she decided to keep the pigeon as a pet. She named him Whitey. She noticed one day that the pigeon had a broken foot (?). She put some water in a bowl and put a little bit of an antibiotic into the water. The pigeon drank from it everyday until he was better. Once Whitey was healthy he flew away to a far off land and the old lady thought she would never see him again. Until one day she saw Whitey fly onto her balcony once again. Only this time he wasn't alone. He had brought his wife and son with him for her to meet. She cooked them some white rice (you have to cook it otherwise if they eat it when it's hard then it will expand when they drink some water and it makes their tummies hurt) and gave them some water and they visited all afternoon. In the evening, Whitey and his family flew away. The little old lady never saw them again. She was sad for a little while but she knew she had helped her friend and got to meet his family so she felt very satisfied and fulfilled.

Sexual Harassment

No employee shall engage in behavior of a sexual nature, either physical or verbal, that may be offensive to others or create an offensive, intimidating, or hostile working environment. Examples of such behavior are:

1. Unwelcome sexual flirtations, advances, propositions or cornering
2. Verbal abuse or jokes of a sexual nature
3. Graphic verbal comments about a person's body
4. Sexually degrading words used to describe a person.
5. The display in the workplace of sexually suggestive objects or pictures
6. Unwelcome physical contact

No supervisor (or any other employee) shall threaten or suggest, either explicity or implicity, that an employee's submission or refusal to submit to sexual advances will in any way affect the employee's employment, evaluation, wages, advancement, assigned duties, shifts or any other terms or conditions of employment.

You Gotta Love Bushisms

"I believe men and fish can coexist together peacefully."

"I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here."

"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test."

"We both use Colgate toothpaste." (After a reporter asked what he had in common with British Prime Minister Tony Blair)

"I'm the commander, see I don't need to explain, I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being President."

"I hear there are rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft."

"We need an energy bill that encourages consumption."

"This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating."

"It is white." (After being asked by a child what the White House was like)

"I'm also not very analytical. You know I don't spend a lot of time thinking about myself, about why I do things."

"I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe-I believe what I believe is right."

"I wish you'd have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it...I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with an answer, but it hadn't yet...I don't want to sound like I have made no mistakes. I'm confident I have. I just haven't -- you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I'm not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one." (After being asked to name the biggest mistake he had made)

"The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him."

"I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority."

"But all in all, it's been a fabulous year for Laura and me." (Summing up his first year in office, 3 months after the 9/11 attacks)

"I try to go for longer runs, but it's tough around here at the White House on the outdoor track. It's sad that I can't run longer. It's one of the saddest things about the Presidency."

"Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere!"

"If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator."

"There's an old saying in Tennessee --I know its in Texas, probably in Tennessee--that says, fool me once, shame on--shame on you. Fool me--you can't get fooled again."

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

There you have it folks. This is the man running our country.

We Built This City On Rock And Roll

My favorite 80's songs:

1. "Take On Me" -- A-Ha
2. "Walk Like An Egyptian" -- The Bangles
3. "My Best Friend's Girl" -- The Cars
4. "Money For Nothing" -- Dire Straits
5. "Sunglasses At Night" -- Corey Hart
6. "Hotel California" -- The Eagles
7. "I Want To Know What Love Is" -- Foreigner
8. "I Will Survive" -- Gloria Gaynor
9. "Billie Jean" -- Michael Jackson
10. "I Love Rock And Roll" -- Joan Jett
11. "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" -- Cyndi Lauper

Ya know, there are like a million more but I don't really feel like typing them all out. I mean, I love almost every 80's song there is. Almost. They're fun. I would someday like to have a huge collection of all 80's songs. I think I'll do it someday when I'm bored. I'm not really into writing this post today so I'll just stop so I don't continue to bore you with my babbling. I mean, who really wants to listen to nonstop babbling for hours and hours? Not me. I would just tune that person out and think random thoughts. For instance, I might be thinking "I wonder how much it costs to go to the dentist? I should go sometime". Or, "What color of eye shadow should I buy this time?". Or, "La la la la la la la la la la". Or, "What's that shiny, sparkly thing over there?" So, now you know that if you're ever rambling on and on and on about something, I'm probably not listening. Just like you're not listening to me right now. You probably didn't even make it this far down. You probably aren't reading this at all. So, I should just stop typing.

Work, Oh How I Hate Thee

It's only 9:20 on Wednesday morning. It's my first day back from a long weekend and I already hate it here. I can think of so many other things I'd rather be doing. For instance, I'd rather be sleeping. I could do my laundry, watch some tv, go to a book store, go to a movie, hang out with my friends, heck I would even do some sort of volunteer work. I mean, I know I have to "earn" some money, but I don't really "earn" it at work anyway. I probably do about 15 minutes of actual work in a day. Now, I know that's a quote from Office Space, but in this case it's true. I don't really work at all. It's not that I'm lazy, it's just that I actually don't have anything I could be doing. Sure, when an opportunity to do actual work comes along, I immediately stop staring at the wall and complete the task. But rarely do I get such a chance. I bet you're thinking, 'Jeez, why is she complaining? She gets paid to do nothing all day long.' Well, it does seem like the perfect job, but it's not. I get so bored and I actually think I'm getting dumber because of it. I look things up on the internet, chat with my friends, and check my email, but you can only do that for so long. Oh, how I long to be challenged. I just want something to do so the day goes by faster. Is that too much to ask for? Well, I suppose I'll get back to counting the tiles on the ceiling.

Time To Go Home

As much as I like seeing my family, I think it's time for me to go home. I miss my home. I miss my bed. I miss my roommates. It's nice to have some place to call home and it's unusual that that place isn't in my hometown. I'm all growns up. I have a place to call home. Even though it's in the heart of Harlem and it smells like something died on our block, I can't wait to get back. I'm out of my comfort zone and out of my routine. I know it's nice to get out of that once in a while, but it's always nice to go back. I've had my fill of hamburgers, hot dogs, and potato salad. It's back to ramen, jelly toast, and cereal. I've also had my fill of aunts, uncles, cousins, and all relatives. I'd like to get back to Dominicans, actors, musicians, directors, and homeless people. I'll make another trip back home in December. I think by then I'll be ready to face it all again. And it was nice while it lasted. Oh wait, I still have one more whole day here. Arrrgggghhhhh.

Greenfield, IA

Well I'm back in Greenfield for 3 whole days. Although I like that there are trees and fresh grass and flowers all around, it makes me wonder just what people are thinking when they decide to make this town their permanent residence. Now don't get me wrong, I think it's a great place to raise your children since it is safe and non-violent. I'm talking more about the young people who stay in this town and never leave. Most of them didn't even try to live somewhere else. Are they truly happy with just living here and never trying anything new? I really can't believe that. Are they just scared? I find it hard to believe people would want to live their lives never seeing anything but Greenfield, Iowa. What a waste. They stay here, work in the local factory, buy an expensive car, get married, buy a house, have children, and spend the rest of their days working their asses off to pay for all of these things. In the meantime, they waste their life away. I just can't believe people would actually do this. And I'm not even against people buying houses and raising their families, but just get out and live a little first. You have a good chunk of your life to settle down so why not be adventurous first? I really just don't understand. But to each their own, I guess. I'll just be happy to be back in New York on Tuesday. I'll be happy to go see some live music on Friday. To go to a movie and to dinner with my roommate. To go out on Saturday night to a place I've never been and meet some people I've never met. I'm only 25. I think it was Bon Jovi who once said, "It's my life. It's now or never. Nothing's going to last forever." And to that I bid you goodnight.

I Hate Boys

Although some people choose to write about important topics such as economics, politics, or current events, I find that it is my duty to talk about the more interesting things in life. Such as boys. Sure I should maybe talk about George Dubya, the war, or Katrina, but I don't really feel like it. So, back to my subject...boys. I hate them. They are so mean. Here are a couple of words to describe most of the boys I know....inconsiderate, selfish, clueless, insensitive, thoughtless, thick, and narcisistic just to name a few. Although I actually do know some nice boys who don't possess all of these characteristics, there are very few that actually exist. I currently know 3 boys that possess the qualities I desire and, of course, they are all taken. I have always thought guys were impossible. Is there a guy on this earth that has the qualities I'm looking for? All I want is a guy that has the qualitites of a girl. A guy that won't cheat or lie. A guy who doesn't try to impress me by telling me how much money he makes or what kind of car he drives. I just don't care. Just make me laugh and have a good time. Is that too much to ask? So, the moral of the story is....I hate boys. I guess that's not really a moral but that's the message that I wanted to get across today. Good day. I SAID GOOD DAY!

Crazy People

I just wanted to share some of the weird/sick things I've seen people do thus far in NYC. First of all, there was the guy that was jerking off in his car in broad daylight on Riverside Drive right next to a walking trail. When I looked in his car window and he realized I had caught him, he immediately covered himself as if embarrased. I mean, if you didn't want anyone to see you should pick a more secluded area. Second, the homeless man that sits in the 137th subway station shaving off his fingerprints with a Bic razor. I'm not sure why he does this but it is by far the worst thing I've seen in my life. The other day I saw him doing it with a pair of scissors. Third, the couple of homeless men who have disturbing, yet creative, signs/ways of bringing in money. Homeless man #1: Sits on the cement up against the Gap everyday on my way to the subway from work. His sign reads "Why lie, I need a beer". Homeless man #2: This man has a whole set-up. He has a bed complete with pillows and a blanket along with a nightstand next to the bed which he sets up on the sidewalk. His sign reads "Pay me one dollar to tell me off". Homeless man #3: Parks his home (which is a shopping cart full of his belongings with various shopping bags hanging from it) in front of the building I work in and reads his bible. His sign reads "Please keep your money and your food. God bless you". Now, you have to give props to these men who creatively try to earn some sort of income. It's better than the man who stands in the middle of the subway car and says "Good morning everyone. I just got back from the hospital where they gave me my weekly chemo treatment for my brain tumor. I also have a bum leg, bad back, and broken arm. I have hepatits C as well as AIDS. I don't have any family and my dog just died. I am also a veteran. If you could please spare your change I would greatly appreciate it". Or the time a homeless woman stood on the subway telling us all how hungry she was and when my friend offered her some leftover stirfry she said, "No thank you, it bothers me to eat other people's food. Ya know what I mean?" There ya have it folks. I'll make sure to update you periodically on the strange things I see in this fabulous city.