Common Grammatical Errors

Upon discovering that I am, in fact, perfect, I find it my duty to point out the most common grammatical errors so you, the reader, won't be ridiculed by society. Now, I'm not saying you have to know every grammatical rule in the rule book (there is a rule book, I've seen it), but these will be examples that you should have learned in grade school. I'm not judging you. I'm just trying to help you. I'm also doing this for my own personal reasons as well. I find it incredibly annoying when people erroneously use the wrong word in a sentence, therefore changing the entire meaning. Ok, here it goes.

1. Their, There, or They're?

Their is a possesive pronoun. It always describes a noun.
Ex. Their house is small.

There is an adverb meaning "that location."
Ex. Please stand over there.

They're is a contraction of they are.
Ex. They're going to the party.

2. Its or It's?

Its is a possesive pronoun. It modifies a noun.
Ex. The dog carried its bone outside.

It's is a contraction of it is or it has.
Ex. It's time for you to learn how to use correct grammar.

3. Your or You're?

Your is a possesive pronoun. It modifies a noun.
Ex. Your breath smells bad.

You're is a contraction of you are.
Ex. You're not my friend if you can't figure this out.

There are some exceptions to the rule. The first is when you're text messaging. It is perfectly acceptable to text the word 'your' when you mean 'you're' because it just takes too long to change the texting format to be able to put the apostrophe in. I'm hoping the receiver of the text message will be sympathetic to your mistake. It's also acceptable to make these mistakes when you're typing an email and you accidentally type the wrong form of the word and you just don't have the time to go back and change it. These are the only exceptions and correct grammar must be used at all other times.

Well, those are just a few examples. There are many others but I prefer not to mention them here. If you have any questions about how to write words correctly and use the correct meanings of words please go to www. grammarslammer.com. It's a very helpful tool to use when writing. I hope I was also helpful to you. If I was, please don't email me to tell me so. I'll just assume I helped you and to that I say, "Your Welcome".

Dear Santa,

Although there are many things I want for Christmas, there are a few in particular that I fancy the most. I realize that some of these things may be out of the ordinary and might be difficult for you to bring me. But please try your hardest as I have been exceptionally good this year. First and foremost, I would like you to bring a sexy boy for me to play with. The ideal boy would be tall, dark, and handsome. He will think I am the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. We will spend all of our days and nights playing together. He will also bring me ice cream and flowers on a daily basis. He will be my most favorite boy ever. That shouldn't be too hard for you to handle, right? Ok, so the next thing I want is a giant mountain made of ice cream. I will be the owner of this ice cream mountain and I am the only one who can eat from it. If I decide to let others eat my ice cream, it will be to my discretion. This particular ice cream mountain will be magical and will not melt in the summer heat. It will also be calorie and fat free but will taste delicious. It will also change flavors at any given moment depending on what I'm in the mood for. The third thing on my list is the ability to read minds. This will come in useful in many situations. I'll be able to see what my friends and family are thinking about me. I will also be able to use this power to generate loads of money. How, you ask? Well, I'll charge people $2000/mind reading. Sort of like a psychic, but different. That will be my sole source of income. Now, this last thing might be a little difficult for you to get. And I won't be mad if you find that it's just not something you can handle. But here goes. I would like a new pair of tennis shoes. Thank you so much Santa. I look forward to your visit.

Love,
Raechel

P.S. I'll leave some cookies out for you, but don't count on there being any left once you get here.

Stop Complaining Already

I am aware that you don't like your job, your boss, your husband, the weather, the government, the way you look, your co-workers, your car, your family, your pant size, or yourself. You have told me over and over again. But please, for the love of God, stop complaining or I might go insane. And please stop sneezing so loud. Is it really necessary to sneeze that loud? I mean, really, I know you like the attention but I really can't stand to jump out of my seat everytime you sneeze. And if you could please stop telling me how much money you won at the casino and how you know how to 'read' the machines that would be great. I'd really appreciate it. I just really don't care. Now I have resorted to complaining about you. How pathetic. If you could just stop talking to me that would be great. Actually just stop talking altogether. Thanks.

I'm A Bad Driver

Hi, my name is Raechel, and I'm a bad driver. There's a part of me that always knew this but never wanted to admit it. I finally admit I have a problem, and it won't get any better until I confront it. I also suffer from a well known disease called road rage. But it's not my fault. It's all the other bad drivers who bring on the symptoms. Ok, so maybe I'm a little to blame. I think a fraction of the problem is that I'm always in a hurry (which, by the way, has led to numerous amounts of speeding tickets). To slow down and take my time is beyond me. It will never happen. Now, I don't consider myself as an aggressive accident-prone driver. In ordinary character, one could say I'm a Clark Kent, but as soon as I get behind the wheel I transform into a psychotic version of Superman. I do try to obey all traffic laws. I use my turn signals when changing lanes, I stop at stop signs, I always wear my seatbelt, I even look out for animals and pedestrians. But when it comes to slow drivers I lose my cool. Who wants to be stuck behind some old man driving 20 miles per hour in a 50 mile per hour speed zone? Not me! I mean, where do these people get their driver's license? Bo Bo's School of Driving? I never resort to gesturing to these people, but believe me, I am definately mumbling obscenities under my breath. Now, these are just some examples of my road rage. Things that contribute to my being a bad driver are as follows:

1.) I love music. I'm either changing a CD or turning the station on the radio at all times. If I can't find the particular CD I am looking for, I do not mind glancing into the back seat to find it.

2.) I'm addicted to text messaging. If I get the urge to text message someone or if they have texted me, I'll be looking back and forth from my phone to the road several times so I can text the person (this has actually caused a fender bender).

3.) I think I have adult ADD. I just can't pay attention. There are times when I come out of some sort of trance and realize that I have no idea what has passed on the road or if I missed my exit. My mind is always somewhere else. I could be thinking about my plans for the evening, solving complex math problems in my head, or my mind could be a complete blank. But you can be certain I am not concentrating on the road.

So, if you see me on the road, beware. If you see me glancing into the backseat or speeding by you looking like I'm talking to myself, please excuse my bizarre behavior. Well, I feel better now that I've gotten that off my chest. I really think this is the first step to becoming a good driver. Although, I don't drive that much and I take public transportation almost everywhere I go. So consider yourself lucky.

10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage Should Be Illegal

01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.